Danielle

When we got home, I took a small dish rag, soaked it and scrubbed the blood off the floor of my room. I found my bloody razor blade and snapped it in half. I tossed it carelessly. One piece landed on the table and the other piece slid under my bed. 

By the time all the evidence was erased, it was 7 am. I took a nice long hot shower to settle my nerves and ate a nice big bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. My absolute favorite cereal in the entire world. I slid on my converse and headed out the door. Everything was still soaked. The ditches were full with rain water and I almost slipped on one of the puddles in the road. 

I used that time that I had alone walking to the park to think about things. Think about yesterday. Think about the hospital and C. What he’d said and how hurt he’d been. How he had stayed by my side until I woke. Even Jaclyn hadn’t done that. She was asleep. Not a care in the world. That only further proved my point; she was fake. A liar. 

I looked down at the gauze around my arms. The blood splatters on them, right where my wrists were. How stupid I had been. It made me sick to think about it. 

When I’d reached the park, it was around 8 or 9. I found C in the same place I’d found him last time: asleep under that tree. As I got closer, I heard sniffling. He was crying. I ran to him and sat beside him. 

He twitched a little and his sniffles gave way to sobs. 

“Danielle…” He whispered, still in a deep sleep.

“C. It’s just a dream.” I whispered in reply, as if he could hear me. I put my hand on his and he flinched back, as if burned. I knew he was asleep and couldn’t control himself, but the gesture hurt me a little inside. 

“Danielle… I… know…”

“Know what?” I asked, watching him intently.

“I’m sorry.” His eye twitched.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” I smiled at him, even though he couldn’t see it. 

He jerked a little, crying harder. He slipped his hand into mine, “I… love you… I have… always… loved you… I’m sorry!” He whispered so quietly, I almost didn’t catch it. 

I kept quiet, fighting a smile. 

His tears came faster. He started breathing hard and he was panicking. In his sleep? I wrapped my arms tight around him and ran my fingers through his hair, whispering into his ear, “It’s okay. It’s just a dream. Wake up, C, just wake up. It’s okay!” 

He sobbed into my shirt for a few minutes before relaxing again. A while passed before he pulled his hand from mine and rolled over. I didn’t know why, but this gesture seemed to stab me in the chest as well. 

Another hour or so slipped by before he woke, rubbing his eyes. He jumped a little when he saw me staring at him, “Danielle! How long have you been sitting there?”

I chuckled, “About an hour.”

“I’m sorry! It must’ve been boring…” He sat up, leaning against the tree. There were bags under his eyes. Whatever he’d been dreaming about, it wasn’t good.

“Not really.”

His eyes went big, “Oh, no. Was I sleep-talking again?”

“Yeah. Don’t worry all you said was my name and that you were sorry.” 

He sighed in relief. I’d save him the embarrassment from me hearing him say he loved me. But now I knew. And that gave me some comfort on the inside that I needed.

“Good.” He rested his head against the tree, staring up into the sky. The sun was already up high and it was finally starting to warm up, even with the cloudy forecast. I noticed he was shivering, and that all his clothes were drenched.

“C, do you sleep here every night? Don’t you have a home?” Then I realized he was still wearing the same clothes he’d been wearing the first time I saw him, “Do you have any other clothes? What do you eat?” 

“Danielle, calm down. You’re overreacting.” He laughed. I dramatically took a couple deep breaths. 

I laughed with him that time and he said, “And yes I sleep here every night. No I don’t have a home. These are my only clothes. I go to the grocery store, take a box of crackers or something and munch on them when nobody’s looking. Or I’ll just eat stuff out of a garbage can.”

I frowned, “Well… do you want me to ask Jaclyn if you can stay with us?”

He bared his teeth, “Jaclyn and I are no longer friends. Enemies, rather. I’m sorry.”

“Well then can I at least buy you some clothes? Or buy you some food?”

He shook his head, “That is unnecessary, Danielle. I am merely a stranger to you.”

“C, it is nothing! Let me help. You helped me.” 

“In what way?” He raised an eyebrow at me, resting his head on his hand, his arm propped up on his knee. 

“You told me I wasn’t worthless. You said you were here for me. It meant a lot. You made me happy. So please let me do something for you in return. And by the way, you’re not a stranger to me. You’re my only friend.”

He just stared at me for a moment, then said, “Do not waste your money on buying me clothes I’ll probably lose or not fit into… how about… we go to dinner? Just you and me?” His arms were shaking. He was nervous. There was… fear… in his eyes. 

I smiled, “Sounds great.”

He sighed and smiled in return, his eyes sparkling for once. Now there was… hope?

“When?” he whispered.

“Well… how about tonight? The diner down the street?”

He smiled, “Perfect. Will you meet me here?”

“Sure. I’ll come around 6. Then we can walk down there.” My stomach was twisting itself at the thought. Going to dinner with a man whose name I didn’t even know. 

But it wasn’t wrong, was it? I mean… I knew him, I just didn’t remember him. Plus, he’d said he loved me. So he wouldn’t hurt me, right? I felt safe around him. I felt okay with him. 

“Mkay. I’ll be right here.” 

“I’m going to go before Jaclyn flips. I’ll see you at six.” I waved, turning and heading back home. 

I got home and Jaclyn was still sound asleep. I peered at the clock. 11:15 am. I had 6 hours before I had to leave again. I had to make up an excuse for later. So Jaclyn wouldn’t come with me. I was meeting a friend? No, that was too obvious.

To pass the time, I listened to Amethystium and painted a little house in the woods to calm myself. I didn’t have any green paint left so I used navy, like C’s eyes. Jaclyn woke up eventually, around 2 or 3, and cooked herself some scrambled eggs, not offering me any. Figures.

6 o’clock came way too quickly. I hopped up and found Jaclyn on the couch watching CSI Miami.

“I’m going to the diner.” 

“Good idea! Let’s go!” She scrambled to her feet, grabbing the remote from the table and turning the T.V. off. 

“No, Jaclyn. I want to go alone… I want to think about things. I’ll eat there and then I’m taking a nice long walk.”

She tilted her head at me, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, Jaclyn. I’ll be back later.”

Jaclyn sighed, “It’s not a good idea. I don’t want you running into that man again.”

My right eye twitched a little. I prayed Jaclyn hadn’t seen it. After a second of silence, I sighed, mostly in relief, “If I bump into him, I’ll run away and come home. “ 

“Just let me come with you.”

“No, Jaclyn! I want to be alone right now.” I shouted, a little louder than I’d wanted to. 

Jaclyn crossed her arms, “Fine. Just be home by 9.”

“You’re not my mom.” I growled, stomping off to the door and slamming it behind me. Yes, I’m a little over-dramatic sometimes. 

Chris

She arrived right at 6, like she’d said she would. She was wearing black skinny jeans and a black shirt with a dark purple rose on it. Her hair was combed and shiny. She was as beautiful as always. I was still in my black jeans and navy shirt from a week ago. They reeked of dirt and sweat. I hoped Danielle wouldn’t be able to smell it, or that she wouldn’t care. She never did before, but then again I never smelled this bad before. I was such a disgrace. Especially compared to an angel like Danielle.

She smiled when she saw me and I wrapped my arms around her and gave her a gentle hug. She squeezed me in return. She smelled like a field of roses, if there was such a thing. When we pulled out of our hug, we walked side by side down the sidewalk toward Maria’s Diner. 

My heart was all bubbly inside of me. Having Danielle so close to me, within my grasp, after so long of being alone and cold… missing her… dreaming of her… 

I hadn’t any idea what I did to deserve her so close to me again, but I was glad. This was all I needed to be happy. Just to be around her. 

She caught me staring at her from the corner of her eye and smiled. I blushed a little and looked straight ahead. Danielle slowly slid her hand into mine, carefully interlocking our fingers. My heart jumped in delight. Her hand was so soft, so smooth. So delicate and fragile. So perfect.

We got to the diner about a half an hour after we took off from the park. It wasn’t real busy today, like it’d been the last time I was here. Danielle still wasn’t aware that I had been here before. We grabbed a table in the back, where there were only two other people in this area. Just an old lady with long white hair and a man in his 40’s with jet black hair and a stick-like frame. 

Danielle sat directly across from me, so that we were staring at each other. She was so close to me, yet so far. I wanted to reach out and touch her face, to pull her closer and kiss her. 

“How are you feeling?” I asked, mostly to distract myself. To stop these thoughts that were burning my heart. I wanted what I couldn’t have. Not yet, at least.

“I’m… actually, I’m okay. For once.” She smiled, her eyes lighting up. 

I smiled back, “Well that’s good.” 

We were interrupted by a male waiter, a man in his early 30’s with a buzz-cut and green eyes. Danielle and I both ordered water. Once the waiter left, I flipped through the menu, Danielle watching me. I found something quickly and slid the menu aside, watching Danielle just as she was watching me. 

“You… wait, didn’t you used to have dreads?” Danielle asked. 

I grinned, “Yeah, Danielle, I did. In 10th grade.” She remembered something!

“I had this sudden little vision of a teenage guy with dark dreads, a face just like yours. I guess it actually was you.” 

I grinned, resting my head in my hand, “That was back around the time I met you. I had dreads in the end of 9th, all of 10th and the beginning of 11th. I met you at the end of 9th grade, in the fiction section of the school library. You were asking me where a book was, but you stopped mid-sentence and just stared at me. Eventually you said my hair was awesome and I said your eyes were gorgeous and we just clicked. Then in 10th, we had Language arts together and we sat at the same table and we got to be friends. And things lead to another and before you know it… we were… together.” I bit my lip to keep from crying. I wanted things to be same as they were. Before I fucked up and all that crazy shit happened. I dreaded the day that she remembered. 

“Well I remember the day in the library, but not much else.” She frowned. That’s probably a really good thing.

The waiter returned and took our order. Danielle ordered a chicken salad sandwich and onion rings. I ordered spaghetti. 

Once he left again, I turned to Danielle, “Do you remember my name yet?” 

Danielle frowned, “I’m sorry. I don’t.” 

I reached over and placed my hand upon hers, “It’s okay.” 

Danielle just stared at me, her expression blank, but her eyes full of care… desire… hope. 

“Is this a date?” She asked.

I grinned, “If you want it to be, then it is.” She smiled and slid out of her seat. She walked around the table and slipped in next to me, leaning her head against my shoulder and clinging to my arm.

“You tired?”

She nodded lightly, “I haven’t slept since the hospital.”

I leaned my head against hers, relishing the moment. Our touch. Having her at my side. By now the other two people had left, which made our section of the diner completely empty other than us.

Our food came soon later and we both ate slowly, glancing at one another every so often. 

We finished our meal and Danielle paid the bill. I felt bad about letting her pay it, but I had absolutely no money of my own. If I did, I would’ve paid. I took her hand and led her out of the diner and back to the park. I led her to the same oak tree as always, and I sat beside her. I played with a strand of her soft brown hair while she leaned her head against my chest, listening to my heartbeat. But could she hear it screaming for her? For her love? 

“I had fun. Thank you.” She smiled up at me, wrapping her arms around me in a warm embrace.

I smiled back, but for the first time in a year, it was a real smile, “I did too. Thank you. You’re the one who took me and paid so thank you. We should do it again sometime.”

“That’d be nice.” God, her smile. It was heaven to me. 

The moment was warm, loving. There was little distance between our faces. Our lips were only moments away from touching. But should I take that chance? Could I endure the pain of being rejected for what I wanted most? The moment seemed so right.

I decided against it, but my heart led me. I leaned forward centimeter by centimeter, her mirroring my ambivalent movements. The longest second of my life passed in silence before her lips brushed against mine. But just as we were about to kiss, she pulled away and put her hand over her mouth nervously.

“I-I-I I’m sorry, Danielle, I sh-shouldn’t have done that…” I said, my eyes darting around. I was searching for something to say that would keep her from hating me for what I’d done. But nothing came to mind. A few minutes slipped away before I realized she’d been silent, and my gaze returned to her. 

She still had her hand over her mouth, but she was staring at me intently. Wondering. What was going through her mind?

“Say something.” I whispered, mostly to myself. I felt empty again. I messed up. I couldn’t take chances anymore. I couldn’t lose her again! 

“She hates you for this. You just lost your chance.” The voices began. Something had to happen before they drove me to the point where I had a panic attack. I always did when the voices started. They wouldn’t shut up for hours after they’re given something to talk about. Not until I have a panic attack. But I couldn’t have one now.

My eyes welled up, “Please don’t hate me for what I did. I’m sorry.”

Danielle’s hand fell to her lap again and she leaned her head against my chest. Back to where things were before I’d done that. Before we finally almost kissed. Wasn’t that enough? To feel her lips lightly brush mine? It had sent electric currents through me. I’d felt something! I was alive again. Why wasn’t that enough?

I wanted her acceptance and her love. Not just to be alive. To be alive is nothing if you’re not wanted or cared about. 

“It’s okay. I don’t hate you. I just… I’m nervous. I’m not ready for that.”

We have gone much farther than that in the past, Danielle… 

“I understand.” I bit my lip and began to play with her hair again.

“Hey I should go… I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“Oh, okay… bye…” I sigh, frowning to myself. I wanted more time with her, but I could understand why she wanted to leave. She’d almost kissed a complete stranger. Me, a total stranger to her, yet the one person she knew the best.

She smiled shyly, “Goodnight C.” and headed back home. Away from me.

He fed quickly and sloppily, the blood everywhere. He bit into the flesh with his teeth and peeled it right off each bone with ease, chewing it and gulping it down within seconds. The beast was as tall as my waist, and while I was crouching down watching him feast, we were at eye level. His golden, slit eyes showed no signs of fear. Just hunger. Not once did I wonder if he would attack me. It was dangerous to be so close. I was within arm’s length of the wolf, yet he did not attack. Just stuck to the pieces of the bodies I’d laid out for him.

I did nothing but watch in awe. Once the wolf was finished, his thick black coat now matted with blood, he stood motionless, watching me as I watched him. Many moments passed in silence before the animal made a low growl-like sound and patted the dirt with his front right paw. I gave him a quizzical look and his eyes seemed to laugh at me.

Instead of attacking, as I thought and hoped he would to kill me and end my pain, he sniffed my face and my hair a little and ran off. Back into the woods and the darkness. I was once again alone, the blood of my freshly defeated enemies all over the ground and my clothes. I had to run before any other animals followed the scent of the blood. There was little chance I’d be so lucky if another predator came hungry. 

I jolted awake, those eyes set on my mind. Those golden, devilish eyes. Why had that wolf not taken me that day? It could’ve ended me easily. I wouldn’t have fought back. I was vulnerable, weak and dying, yet it spared me. Why? Why couldn’t it have a little mercy and end my misery?

But ‘the universe works in mysterious ways.’ Maybe there was more meant for me here. With Danielle. Maybe her forgetting the past was a godsend, I mean, if she remembered what happened, she’d probably loathe me. But with her forgetting, she was hanging out with me again. Only for information, yes, but it’s something. I dreaded the day she found the truth and dreaded how she would react. 

Until that day came, I had her for myself. She was mine! I had to win her back! 

The next day came, but it came without Danielle. We didn’t watch the sunrise together. We didn’t lie under the oak tree. We didn’t go to dinner, didn’t take a walk. I didn’t see her at all. I thought, maybe this was Jaclyn’s doing. She’d be there the next day.

But she wasn’t there when I woke. She didn’t show up at all that day either. 

A dangerous, painful thought hit me the morning of the third day. She was probably never coming back. Maybe she remembered. Maybe Jaclyn told her. Maybe she was in the hospital again! 

I choked. I gagged. I told myself to calm down, but it didn’t work. I wrapped my arms around myself and curled up in a tight ball under the oak tree. I wouldn’t leave this spot until she returned. If I died here, so be it. 

Maybe she was tired of me, maybe she was sick. Maybe she forgot about me again. Maybe Jaclyn gave her the pills again! 

Blood rushed to my face and my eyebrows furrowed. My fists clenched. I wanted to beat down Jaclyn for giving her those pills! Just to make her forget! 

I stood. I had to find Danielle. I missed her vanilla scent, her hair, her eyes, her warm skin. Most of all I missed her voice. Her sweet, angelic voice.

I took a step forward just to collide with something… or someone.